Mission Impossible
by Angelfire94
Summary: Friends will do anything for each other, even the impossible; like getting Odie a date for the Valentine's Day Dance.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, this plot has been in my mind for some time, so I decided to type it out and this fic was the outcome. Do note that some of the characters might be a bit OOC, but just work with me here. xD **

---

It was another beautiful afternoon that day in New Olympia. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, no dim-witted giants were running around causing chaos, Cronus wasn't attacking, Jay was obsessing over the fact that Cronus wasn't attacking, Theresa was trying to get Jay to stop obsessing, Herry was eating the entire contents of their new industrial-sized refrigerator, Archie and Atlanta were out for a jog at the local park, and Odie and Neil were currently hiding behind a bush at New Olympia High with a pair of binoculars. All in all, it was just another normal day in their otherwise abnormal lives.

"That her?" Neil asked, kneeling on the grass and peering through the binoculars with a smirk on his face. He was looking at Orneli, an African-Canadian girl about Odie's height, surrounded by a group of her friends.

"That's her," Odie responded, sitting on the grass next to the snooping boy with his arms crossed, a scowl apparent on his face.

Neil whistled. "She's hot."

And indeed she was, with caramel brown eyes and her straightened black hair in a ponytail, long bangs framing her heart-shaped face. Odie enjoyed staring at her when she wasn't looking, just admiring her natural beauty. He'd sigh dreamily every time she smiled or laughed, and she had even caught him at it once. The young boy had panicked and had mumbled something about 'pancakes' and 'homework' before scampering off in embarrassment. He sighed as he thought about what he was about to do, there was no way she would ever go for a guy like him.

Odie frowned as he thought more about his dilemma and rolled his eyes sarcastically at Neil. "Which is exactly why I can't do this; she's way out of my league."

He sighed once more and got up to leave, but before he could get very far, Neil grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him back to their hiding place behind the bushes.

"Relax, little buddy. You're with Master Neil now; and by the time I'm done with you, you'll be a babe magnet…"

"You still use 'babe magnet'?"

Neil ignored his comment. "…But not as hot as me though. I mean, come on. It's _me_. Anyway, what you need is a makeover. I have some skin cream that'll do _wonders_ on you. It'll leave your skin feeling smooth like a baby's bottom."

"But… I don't want my skin to feel like an infant's posterior."

"Of course you do!"

"I do?"

"You do!"

"No I don't, Neil."

"Yes, you do. Now shut up and listen. Hmm… We should definitely do something with those clothes of yours, too. Talk about a fashion disaster!"

"I _like_ my clothes, thank you very much."

"Yeah, but chicks like her don't. They don't go for the 'nerdy look'. They go for people like me, you know? Hot. Muscular. WITH AWESOME HAIR, TO BOOT! Unlike that… ball of yarn on your head you call hair."

"HEY! I _like_ my hair!"

Neil sighed. "You have much to learn, my friend. Now come, we have a lot of work to do."

Neil put an arm around the younger boy's shoulders and led him away, talking about all the things he planned to do to Odie. And as he listened, the descendant of Odysseus didn't know why, but he got a really bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

---

**At the Brownstone, Earlier That Week**

"_HERRY! RUN!" _

"_OH MY GOD, THEY'RE COMING!"_

"_FASTER, HERRY, FASTER! THEY'RE GAINING ON US!"_

_Herry and Odie thundered down the stairs with terrified faces, ignoring the strange looks they were receiving from Theresa, Atlanta, and Neil who were all seated in the living room watching a movie. Without hesitation, Herry and Odie jumped behind the couch and hid. _

_Theresa turned to Atlanta with a confused look. "What are they running from, anyway?"_

_Atlanta shrugged while Neil shook his head and took out his infamous three-paneled mirror. "Beats me."_

"_You don't think Cronus is here, do you?" Theresa suddenly asked, alarmed._

"_**I **__think that you've been hanging around Jay too much," Atlanta gave her a sly look, and a faint blush crept onto Theresa's cheeks. "Besides, if Cronus were here, why would they hide behind the couch, of all things?"_

"_Never hurts to be prepared," Theresa reasoned. "And if I'm not mistaken, you and a certain purple-haired warrior have been spending a lot of time together lately." _

_Neil, who had been listening all this time, looked up from his mirror and towards the stairs. "Speaking of Jay and Archie…"_

_For suddenly the aforementioned teens came running down the stairs, weapons brandished, with murderous expressions on their face. _

"_Where are they?" Archie demanded, holding his whip menacingly. _

_Atlanta pointed to the direction of the kitchen and the two boys set off at a sprint towards the direction she was pointing. Once they were safely out of sight, the two girls peered over the couch at Herry and Odie, who were crouching on the floor with wide eyes._

"_You mind telling us why you're hiding behind the couch while Jay and Archie look like they want to kill you?" Theresa asked. _

"_Well, you see…" Odie began._

"_Odie here had this idea, and it was a great idea, but… it sort of backfired…" Herry finished for him. _

"_And what, pray tell, was this great idea of his?" Atlanta queried, raising her eyebrow._

"_Well, we thought they were taking a nap so we decided to ambush them in their sleep," Herry answered sheepishly._

_Odie added, "And instead, we found them talking about how they were going to ask you two to be their da-" _

"_THERE THEY ARE, ARCHIE! BEHIND THE COUCH!" yelled a new voice. Everyone turned to the direction of the kitchen doorway where Jay and Archie stood, glaring at Herry and Odie with eyes full of hate and annoyance. _

"_RUN, ODIE, RUN!"_

"_I'M RUNNING, I'M RUNNING!"_

_And off the two sped out the front door, closely chased by their perpetrators. Theresa shook her head at them and turned to Neil, "How come you didn't join in on their prank?" _

_The blond boy looked up from his beloved mirror and raised an eyebrow cockily at her. "Because, based on experience from what happened the last 78 times, I knew this would happen."_

_---_

**In Neil's Room at the Brownstone**

Odie stared at the full-length mirror in front of him with an expression of horror and disbelief. Neil stood behind him, arms clasped behind his back, a satisfied smile on his handsome features.

"Oh. My. God," Odie deadpanned, his mouth wide open in shock.

"You love it. I can tell."

"Oh. My. God."

"No need to thank me. The look of gratitude on your face is enough."

"Oh. My. God."

"You know, I always thought you were the smart one. You should really work on expanding your vocabulary."

"NEIL!" Odie grabbed the taller boy's shirt, causing Neil to shriek in panic.

"**Hey, careful!** This shirt is 100 percent linen with a thread count higher than the number of hairs on your head!"

"Neil, what did you do to me!? I look like… I look like… I look like _you_."

And indeed, he looked just like Neil. He wore the clothes Neil usually wore, complete with black cuffs and matching shoes. And his hair, after three hours and ten cans of hairspray, had managed to stay down in a hairstyle that faintly resembled Neil's.

"Exactly. You look _hot_."

"Now that just sounds strange coming from you."

"Hush, oh nerdy one. I still have to add the final touch."

"The final touch…?"

"Oh, you're going to love this."

Neil brandished a small, rectangular present he had been hiding behind his back the whole time. "Ta-da!"

"Er… what is it?"

"Open it to find out!" Neil exclaimed gleefully, jumping up and down and clapping his hands.

Odie hesitantly tore open the wrapping, afraid of what Neil had given him. He tore the bright green wrapping carefully and slowly, and by the time he was done, there lay in his palm… a silver three-paneled mirror. It resembled Neil's, except that it had an O carved into it instead of an N.

"Oh, dear Zeus."

"Don't you just love it? No need to thank me though. I'm just your friendly neighborhood supermodel."

"_You got me a mirror?_"

"Yes, yes. Don't act so surprised." Neil waved his hand impatiently. "You need it, trust me. Now, moving on. You've already got the look down, so next is the attitude."

"Attitude?"

"M-hmm. Now, guys like us, we don't walk. We _strut_."

"Strut?" The word sounded foreign on Odie's tongue.

"That's right. Now, look at me and repeat what I do."

Neil stuffed his hands in his pockets and puffed up his chest. He then began to walk across the room with an air of nonchalance.

"You want me to walk like _that_?! Are you insane?!"

"Yep. Now quit you're whining and try it."

Odie repeated what Neil just did but ended up tripping over his own two feet and falling to the floor in a heap.

"This isn't working," he groaned from where he lay on Neil's green-carpeted floor.

"You need to keep the faith, little buddy."

"Right."

"Okay, now let's try that again."

After several tries (all of which ended none too gracefully), Neil deemed him ready.

---

**At the Brownstone, Earlier That Day**

_We all have our stupid moments. _

_It's those moments where we make stupid decisions which will eventually lead to embarrassing (and irritating) consequences. Anyone can have them, even a certified genius with an IQ of 190, aka Odie._

_Said genius stood outside an elegant white door at the Brownstone, his hand poised and ready to knock. Just as he was about to, he paused, thought about it, and dropped his hand to his side. Sighing heavily, the young boy ran a hand through his voluminous afro and frowned. He picked up his hand again and was getting ready to knock when he paused again, and dropped his hand to his side. He glared at the door as if it was mocking him, and all he wanted to do at the moment was to break it down. Growling in frustration, he took a deep breath and gathered all the courage he had and knocked on the door. _

_He could hear footsteps on the other side before the door creaked open and there stood a very cranky-looking Neil. He was wearing a white robe and his face was slathered with a green substance. "What?" the descendant of Narcissus asked irritably, arms akimbo. "And this better be good, too. I was in the middle of a facial when you decided to stop by." _

_Odie gulped and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I never thought I'd never say this," he muttered under his breath, sighing once more. He gathered all the remaining dignity he had and murmured, "Neil, I need your help." _

_Neil smirked. "Come again?"_

_Odie glared at him. "I know you heard me the first time."_

"_No I didn't."_

_Odie had to restrain himself in order not to punch the blond boy in the face. "I. Need. Your. Help," he repeated through gritted teeth._

_Neil gave him a cocky grin. "And what, oh smart one, do you need my help with?"_

_Odie broke away from Neil's cool blue gaze and blushed. "I need a date for the Valentine's Day Dance," he murmured. _

_Neil looked shocked. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open. "YOU NEED ME AS A DATE!?"_

_Odie looked up at him with equally wide eyes. "NO! NO!" he yelled, flapping his arms up and down in frustration. "I need you to __help me__ get a date!" _

_Neil looked relieved. "Oh good, 'cause let's face it, you're just not my type."_

_Odie scowled and his eye twitched, suddenly wanting to do no more than beat the other boy to a bloody pulp. Keeping his temper in check, he asked, "Are you going to help me or not?"_

_The self-absorbed boy furrowed his brow in thought. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess I could." _

_Odie sighed in relief. "Thanks. So when can we start?"_

"_Once I'm done with my facial."_

_Odie glanced at his wristwatch. It was only half past eleven in the morning. "So… tomorrow afternoon, then?"_

_Neil promptly slammed the door in Odie's face._

_---_

**Back at New Olympia High later that day…**

Neil and Odie hid behind the same bushes they were hiding behind earlier that day, talking in hushed whispers. A few feet away, Orneli stood talking with a group of friends.

"Oh, I'm so proud!" Neil dabbed at his eyes with an embroidered silk handkerchief. "Let me get a good look at you!"

Odie scowled and turned around for Neil to examine him of any flaws.

"I can't do this. I feel horrible," the younger boy complained.

"Yes you can. I gave you a makeover; I taught you how to _strut_! You can do this, buddy!"

Odie gave him a weak smile. "Thanks for the support, Neil, but I really think this isn't going to work…"

"Of course it will. Now, here, this'll help you," Neil handed him a sheet of paper with writing on it. "In case you don't know what to say, just read off the paper."

"Right."

"Okay, this is it. Now, get out there and do me proud!" Neil pushed him forwards towards the direction of Orneli. Odie stumbled forwards and gave Neil one last glare before _strutting_ towards Orneli. Just as he almost reached her, he tripped (again) and fell flat on his face. The dark-skinned boy instantly got up and grinned sheepishly at Orneli who was giving him a strange look.

"H-hey Orneli."

"Hey, Odie!"

Odie laughed nervously, trying to get rid of the sick feeling in his stomach. "Um... ah, how are you?"

"I'm good, but er... what did you do to your hair?"

Odie's hand instantly went up to touch his hair. "Why? Do you hate it? Is it really that horrible?"

Orneli smiled kindly at him and shook her head. "No, no. It's just that it looks so... different than your usual hairstyle."

"Oh, right," Odie replied, panicking a bit inside. His heart began pounding and his hands started to get clammy. Having no idea what else to say, he suddenly remembered the piece of paper Neil had given him and took it out.

"Girl, are your feet tired? 'Cause you've been running through my mind all day," he read.

"Excuse me?"

Odie's eyes widened and he cursed under his breath. What the heck did Neil write on this thing!?

"Umm… if I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I next to each other!"

Orneli gave him a confused look. "Are you feeling alright, Odie?"

"Me? Oh, I'm fine… I just, uh… That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?"

Orneli looked outraged. "Well, _excuse me_!"

_Slap._

She looked at Odie angrily before huffing and walking away, her nose held high up in the air. Odie was shell-shocked, to say the least. He reached up hesitantly and slowly touched his cheek, where a faint bruise was beginning to show. Any hope of ever going out with Orneli had disappeared, along with whatever was left of his pride and dignity. Taking a long shuddering breath, he glared at the paper Neil had given him before tearing it into tiny pieces and stomping on the tattered remains.

"Hey, I don't blame you for messing up. You just don't got what it takes," suddenly came a voice from behind. Odie turned around and found the narcisstic boy giving him a supportive- yet cocky- look.

Odie glared at him with so much intensity that the taller boy backed away slowly, whimpering in fear.

"Neil, you've got five seconds," Odie hissed, pushing up the sleeves of his red sweater.

"Five seconds? For what?" Neil asked nervously, his eyes darting around, looking for some sort of escape.

"Five seconds, Neil. Five seconds before I tear you apart limb by limb and cut off all your golden hair."

Now, Neil wasn't a track star. He hated running. When he was 5 and all the other kids in kindergarten played tag, he would sit in the shade of a huge oak tree (too much sun would cause sunburn, and that would be bad for his complexion) and watch. Even during gym periods, he wouldn't run if he could help it; even if that meant having to endure Ares' long lectures on team work and cooperation accompanied by the God's infamous furious stare. But, when he saw that murderous look on Odie's face, it was ten times worse than any boring lecture or bad hair day; and so without a second thought, Neil screamed his high-pitched girly scream and ran like hell.

---

**A/N: Okay, that was the first chapter (as you undoubtedly know). And in case you're wondering, it only actually took Neil two hours to finish his facial. :P**

**Like I said, some of the characters might seem OOC, but I want this fic to be a funny one so that's that.**

**Review, please?**


	2. Chapter 2

The room was quiet. Too quiet.

Odie narrowed his eyes at his current opponent, a curvaceous redhead who was currently brandishing a can of mousse at him menacingly. The young boy growled as he eyed the rope bounding him to the dull wooden chair. There was no way he was going to win now.

"Prepare to be moussed," the redhead hissed, dropping into a martial arts stance.

Odie clenched his teeth and tried to wiggle his way out of the ropes, "Not a chance."

The redhead, Theresa, smirked. "There's no escaping this, boy. You _will_ be moussed."

"Never!" Odie glared at her as he continued to feel the knots the ropes made. Now only if he could find a loose spot…

Theresa cackled at his feeble attempts to free himself. "Those knots are too tight and complicated to undo. Only _I_ can undo those."

Odie ignored her comment as he continued to toy with the knots. His eyes widened with delight as he finally found a sweet spot. "You can talk the talk, but can you really fight?"

Theresa scowled at him and fixed him with her harshest glare. "Is that a challenge?"

Odie remained calm and composed, although his fingers were frantic as he hurriedly undid the knots. "Bring it."

The redhead gave out a battle cry before jumping into the air and lunging at him, can of mousse in hand. Just as she did, the ropes bounding Odie came loose, and the boy jumped out of the way just in time.

The newly-evacuated chair didn't stand a chance as Theresa landed on it. It broke into pieces on impact. The girl stared at the debris in surprise. Where had Odie gone?

"Looking for me?"

The descendant of Theseus looked up and found Odie standing on top of her bed, several tubes of lipstick and eyeliner in his pocket, which he had quickly taken from Theresa's vanity.

Theresa growled and lunged at him once more, but not before Odie took out half a dozen tubes of lipstick and started throwing them at her with amazing accuracy. She was able to block most of them from hitting her, but one grazed her cheek, leaving a crooked red line. Another hit her arm, and another made contact her in the leg. Odie eyed the furious girl and grinned cheekily. "Oh honey, that is so not your color!" he exclaimed, gesturing to the imprints the lipstick had left behind.

Theresa hastily wiped away the mark left on her cheek with her hand and shook the can of mousse. "That all you got, _little one_?"

Odie looked aghast and snapped his fingers. "Oh no, you didn't!"

Theresa smiled evilly at him. "Oh yes, I did."

Before Odie could even react, Theresa sprayed mousse all over his face. "Take that!"

Odie spat out a mouthful of mousse and retreated to the other side of the room, while Theresa watched his every move through narrowed eyes. After Odie had spat out the last of the mousse, he turned to his enemy with a serious expression on his face. "_Now it's really on_."

His opponent simply smirked and resumed her stance.

With one last battle cry, the two ran towards each other and attacked.

---

Jay twitched.

He slowly put down the book he had been reading and peered out his bedroom door which hung ajar. Theresa's room was directly across from his, and her door was shut tight.

For the past hour, he had been hearing strange sounds emitting from her room. He knew that she was helping Odie ask out Orneli, but what was with all that screaming? At first, he had been hearing a low murmur of voices talking, but then it had quickly changed into loud crashes followed by blood curling screams and Amazon battle cries.

'What could possibly be going on in there?' he wondered.

Shaking his head, he picked up his book again and resumed his reading.

_CRASH. _

Jay furrowed his brow and put his book back down. The chair he had been sitting on made a scraping sound as he stood up. He walked swiftly across the hall until he reached Theresa's door. Pressing his ear against the door, he began to listen:

"_Get off me, Odie!"_

"_Not until you surrender!"_

"_Never!"_

"_Ow! That hurt!" _

"_Hey, watch it!"_

_Another crash._

"…_Theresa… what are you doing with that sword?" _

_Evil laughter. "The better to kill you with, my dear." _

_Nervous laughter. "Theresa… be a good girl and put that sword down…"_

"_Odie, be a good homicidal victim and stand still…"_

_A scream. "Ha! You missed!"_

"_Shut up, nerdling!"_

"_What'd you call me?"_

"_A nerdling!"_

"_Look who's talking, DRAMA QUEEN." _

_A pause. _

"…_DIE ODIE!"_

That was enough for Jay. He burst into the room and found Odie backed up against a wall with a terrified look on his face; and Theresa glaring at him with ropes and a can of mousse in her hands. Odie's sweater was ripped in several places, and his face was covered with pink lipstick. Theresa, on the other hand, looked even worse. Her hair was knotted and tangled, and her jeans were ripped and covered with… was that blood? Oh, no wait. It was just red nail polish.

"What in Zeus' name is going on in here!?" the descendant of Jason exclaimed, surveying Theresa's trashed room.

The walls were splattered with lipstick and nail polish, the floor was covered with debris and feathers, and absolutely everything had a coat of white foam- mousse- on it.

Jay crossed the room in two strides and put a steady hand on Theresa's shoulder. "Theresa, what's going on?"

She turned around and looked at him with fury in her eyes. "Not now, Jay! Can't you see I'm about to win?!"

Her gaze returned to a whimpering Odie who had pressed himself even further against the wall. Jay looked from one to the other and sighed.

"Okay, Theresa, put the mousse down and leave Odie alone."

Bad mistake.

Theresa whirled around and grabbed him by the collar. Pushing him up against the wall, her emerald eyes looked into his chocolate ones with so much intensity that Jay had to look away. "Do you want to be moussed as well, _Jay_?" she asked in a dangerous tone, her warm breath upon his cheek.

"N-no…"

Theresa let him go, but her eyes didn't leave his. "Then, _don't interfere_."

Jay gulped and slowly inched away until he reached her doorway. Taking one last look back, he shuddered, ran across the hall to his room, and locked the door behind him with a satisfying click.

Odie was on his own with this one, and Jay could only hope that the descendant of Odysseus would make it out alive.

---

After she saw Jay leave out of the corner of her eye, Theresa advanced upon her prey with the can of mousse at hand. Odie whimpered in fear as she got closer; he covered his eyes and bit his lip, hoping that this would all end soon.

Theresa smiled recklessly at him, a maniacal glint in her eye. "You knew this was coming."

Odie gulped. "Please… I'm begging you… don't do it."

His assailant snorted. "Odie, Odie, Odie… I've gotten this far. Do you really think that I'd turn back now just because you're begging me not to do it?"

"Um… yes…?"

"Try again."

"No."

"Exactly. Now, prepare to be moussed!"

Theresa was directly in front of him now, and the can of mousse was just mere inches away from his hair. Odie started trembling and pushed himself even farther against the wall, if that was even possible.

"Now, just relax, this won't hurt one bit," the older girl instructed.

"Oh, dear Zeus, please, no…"

Closer and closer...

"Please, no! I beg of you, have mercy!"

Her finger slowly pressed down on the button …

"Please, Theresa, don't do it!"

_Spray. _

A scream erupted from his mouth, a terrified scream filled with pain and fear. The scream shook the entire dormitory, making the other inhabitants wonder whether there was an earthquake going on.

And then, the room was quiet. Too quiet.

_Two hours earlier _

_Theresa was irked. _

_She gracefully sauntered down the creaking basement stairs towards Odie's bedroom. Knocking resolutely on the door, she waited for a response. Odie looked surprised when he finally answered a few moments later. _

"_Theresa? What brings you here?" _

_Theresa nodded curtly in response. "Odie. May I come in?" _

_Odie furrowed his brow but stepped aside, letting the older girl enter. Theresa carefully made her way through several stacks of dusty leather-bound books and half-eaten pizza boxes before depositing herself on Odie's unmade bed. She crossed her legs and leaned back, eyeing the mess. _

"_I love what you've done with the place," she commented dryly. _

_Odie guffawed. "Why, thank you. I worked hard on it." _

_Shaking his head, he closed the door and faced her, rubbing the back of his neck; an unhealthy habit he had picked up from Archie. Before he could open his mouth to talk, Theresa spoke._

"_I heard about what happened today," she stated, "With Neil and Orneli." _

_Odie flushed and laughed weakly. "You heard about that, huh?" _

"_Yeah. What appalls me the most is that you went to Neil for help," the redheaded psychic shook her head. "Neil, for goodness' sakes! What were you thinking?" _

_Odie shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "That's the thing. I wasn't thinking at all." _

_Theresa raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Do you really expect me to believe that?" _

_The younger boy sighed. "Fine. I figured that since Neil gets all the girls, I thought he could help me get Orneli." _

"_But it's NEIL for goodness' sake!" Theresa threw her hands up in frustration. _

"_Well, who else could I have gone to for help?" _

"_Oh, I don't know… ME?" _

_Odie mentally smacked himself. "Why didn't I think of that?" he voiced his thoughts aloud. Theresa grinned at his sheepishness. "But, I still don't get it. What was the point of all this?" _

_Theresa smiled sneakily and stood up, crossing her arms. "The point is, I want to help you get Orneli." _

"_Why?"_

"_Because that's what friends do. And besides," she added as an afterthought, "This'll be fun." _

_Odie gulped. "I don't like that look on your face. What exactly do you have in mind?" _

"_Oh, you know, I'm just going to give you some tips; pointers." _

_Odie narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "You're hiding something from me. I can tell." _

_Theresa looked shocked. "Of course I'm not!" _

_Odie almost believed her, but that was until he saw her gaze momentarily drift to his rather large hair and snap back when she realized he was looking. "You're going to do something with my hair, aren't you?" he asked, crossing his arms knowingly. _

_The descendant of Theseus shook her head. "I won't, I promise." _

"_Shake on it," Odie said, extending his hand. He looked Theresa directly in the eye while they shook hands, looking for any sign of dishonesty. _

_If only he had been paying attention to the hand hidden behind her back; the hand with its fingers crossed. _

_---_

One hour after the "Mousse Incident" 

Odie groaned as Theresa cheerfully dragged him down the streets of New Olympia, a skip in her step.

"I still think the mousse was unnecessary," he pouted. "And I can't believe you double-crossed me!"

"Oh hush," she replied. "And believe me, the mousse _was_ necessary."

Odie frowned as his hand went up protectively to his hair. It was slicked back with mousse after Theresa had triumphantly cornered him. According to her, it looked _sophisticated_. But that didn't stop the strange and repulsed looks as people who managed to walk too close to him caught a whiff of his hair. He had to admit, it _did_ smell bad.

The descendant of Odysseus sighed as they rounded another corner. "Where are you taking me anyway?"

"Flora's Flower Shop," she grinned, "They sell the best flowers on the block!"

Odie looked touched. "Aww… Theresa, you don't have to get me flowers. Putting mousse in my hair really isn't that big a deal."

Theresa chortled. "They're not for you, genius. They're for Orneli!"

"Oh," Odie's ego deflated a bit, "But why flowers?"

The redhead sighed in exasperation. "Because," she said matter-of-factly, "Everyone knows that girls love it when a guy gives them flowers."

"Oh, right. I knew that."

"Sure you did. Anyway, after we the flower shop, we're heading to Charlie's Chocolates to get her a box of the finest chocolate there is."

"Umm… how am I supposed to pay for all that?"

"We'll worry about that later," Theresa replied impatiently. "Oh, look! We're here!"

They had stopped in front of a small store filled to the brim with flowers. Flowers of all sizes and colors were displayed everywhere, and Odie got dizzy just by looking at them.

"Now here's the hard part: Choosing the right flower for the right girl," Theresa stated.

"Can't I just give her roses?"

"Uh, no. Roses are too cliché. We need something rare, unique."

"Okay… what about those?" The descendant of Odysseus pointed to a pot of pink tulips.

Theresa thought about it before making a face. "Nah. They're just… I don't know. They're just not right for her."

They continued to look around before Theresa pointed excitedly to a bouquet of purple daisies. "Those are cute!"

Odie eyed the price tag warily. "And expensive. No way am I going to buy those."

Theresa sighed. This was going to take a while.

---

"Fifty flowers," Theresa breathed, upon leaving the store and stepping into the bright sunlight.

"Thirty different colors," Odie gasped, stumbling after her.

"And we've finally found the right one."

The two looked at the small bouquet of pink lilies Odie was carrying in satisfaction. "She should like these," Odie commented, the corners of his mouth lifting up in a small smile. He didn't have the heart to tell Theresa that lilies weren't exactly rare or unique. He feared that she might send him another death glare before dragging him back into that damn flower shop and spending another hour looking at different flowers.

"She will," Theresa nodded, smiling as well. "Now, off to Charlie's Chocolates!"

She bounded forwards and rounded a corner, followed closely by Odie who was trying to make sure that he wasn't crushing the lilies.

Five minutes later, they reached Charlie's Chocolates. The store was humungous, and a large sign above the door read 'Charlie's Chocolates' in curly red letters.

"Here we are," Theresa announced, holding the glass door open for Odie.

The young boy entered hesitantly, eyeing the shelves filled with chocolate of all kinds. "This place is huge," he commented, approaching the counter where a bored-looking teen stood wearing a green smock.

"Welcome to Charlie's Chocolates; where we sell all of the best. How may I help you?" he asked in a dull voice.

"Um, yeah… What would you recommend for a guy who's trying to get a date?"

"I would recommend that that guy get a life."

Odie frowned at him. "I meant, what would you recommend that this guy get for his date?"

The teen sighed and in a dull monotone he recited, "Well, here at Charlie's Chocolates, we sell all of the best. You can choose from a large variety of chocolate we sell here. You have your milk chocolate, your dark chocolate, your white chocolate, chocolate with nuts, chocolates with raisins…"

Theresa tapped her foot impatiently and crossed her arms. She could tell that this was going to take all day; and she didn't have all day.

"Excuse me, but-"

"Chocolates with raisins _and _nuts, Then we have the Valentine's Romance special: chocolate hearts, chocolate stars, chocolates that say 'I love you', chocolate flowers…"

Odie turned to Theresa who was rubbing her temples. "This is a waste of time," she whined, glaring at the unhelpful store clerk. Odie shrugged helplessly and turned back to the employee who was still reciting the names of the chocolates the store sold.

"Then we have animal-shaped chocolates: chocolate elephants, chocolate hippos, chocolate giraffes, chocolate cows…"

"Oh, Dear Zeus…" came Theresa's annoyed voice.

"And we also sell electronics… in chocolate form, of course! Chocolate computers, chocolate laptops, chocolate iPods, chocolate cameras…."

"Is the word chocolate starting to sound weird to you?" Odie whispered to his irate companion.

"We also have music-inspired chocolate; chocolate music notes, chocolate guitars, chocolate trumpets, chocolate saxophones…"

"I swear, if he says the word chocolate one more time, I'll shoot him with a chocolate gun," the descendant of Theseus hissed, eyeing the rack where the chocolate guns were displayed. They were fake, of course; but Odie didn't like the way her eyes glinted with interest at the prospect of attacking someone with a chocolate gun.

"Chocolate-"

"THAT'S IT!"

Before Odie could stop her, the redhead stomped over to one of the racks and took a chocolate gun. She then stomped back over and shoved the piece of chocolate right into the store clerk's mouth. The young man was considerably surprised at the redhead's creative way of shutting him up. Nonetheless, it did the job.

Theresa then grabbed Odie's arm and dragged him away towards the shelf of heart-shaped chocolates, muttering, "Let's get away from him before he starts talking again… I swear, I have never hated the word chocolate so much in my life."

They stood staring at the rather large variety of chocolate hearts for a full five minutes before Theresa reached up and picked out a purple, heart-shaped box with several pieces of chocolate hearts inside. "This one's nice."

Odie checked the price tag and sighed in relief. "And it's in my budget. Let's take it."

After Odie paid for it (Theresa had insisted on waiting outside, saying that if he didn't want her to cause a scene and assassinate the store clerk for saying chocolate one too many times, then this was the right thing to do), he met his companion outside before they made their way back to the Brownstone and down to his room.

Let the assassina- _lessons_ begin.

---

Odie has always been known for his brains.

His knowledge from everything A to Z has always been admired by his peers, especially when it helps them get out of sticky situations. But as far as knowledge goes, there was one subject that Odie hadn't read up on: Girls.

To him, girls were like creatures that existed in an entirely different species. So complex was the female mind, with such a high range of emotions, that it simply boggled his poor brain. How could a girl feel so many emotions, and think so many things? What went on in their heads, anyway? He had tried observing them once, but that hadn't ended very well. It left him traumatized and now he had a phobia for the girls' washroom.

To put things simply, Odie didn't understand girls.

So it came to no surprise to him that he failed when Theresa quizzed him on proper date etiquette. First time he'd ever failed a test. He thought that perhaps he should've been a little more upset than he was now, but he was more concerned over the fact that Theresa had suddenly entered his room with a stack of magazines. She dumped them on his desk, right on top of the moldy pizza box and last month's gym socks, and turned to him with a satisfied look.

"I've found the answer to all your questions."

"So Neil really is gay?"

"Not that question. I'm talking about the whole how-to-ask-Orneli-out dilemma. Although I really do wonder too, he does stare at himself an awful lot. Maybe it's because he loves boys and he's the most good-looking one around…" Theresa trailed off, deep in thought. "But anyway," her head snapped up, "the answer is here."

She pointed to the teetering pile of magazines with a flourish. "Everything you need to know about girls is right here," she told him, patting the stack of magazines quite affectionately. "You see, Odie, it has come to my attention that your knowledge on the female species… is… well, lacking."

"You mean to say that I know nothing about girls, let alone asking one out."

"Exactly. And these magazines will help." She picked one off the top and threw it at him. Odie looked down at the shiny cover. TEN TIPS FOR WHITER TEETH! WHAT GUYS LOOK FOR IN A GIRL! HOW TO KNOW IF THAT GUY REALLY LIKES YOU! ADVICE FROM TEEN HEARTTHROBS THEMSELVES! It screamed.

"I want you to study these," Theresa instructed the now intimidated boy. "Then I'll test you tomorrow to see how much your knowledge has improved. Once I see that you have studied well, then it will be time."

"You mean…"

"Yes."

Odie shuddered and quickly began flipping through the magazine in his hands. He needed to absorb as much information as he could. His dating life depended on it.

---

_Personally, Athena disliked the title of 'housemaid'. She found it too demeaning. She was a friggin God, for goodness' sake! _

_That's why she chose the title "Goddess who Hera chose to clean up after seven teenagers who are destined to save the world from Cronus the Idiot." _

_Personally, Athena liked the "Cronus the Idiot" part. _

_Walking down the upstairs hallway of the Brownstone, she headed for Theresa's room where she heard a commotion earlier that day. Screams and amazon battle cries had resounded throughout the entire apartment, and somehow, she just knew that she was going to have a lot to clean up once all the screaming was over. _

_Once she reached Theresa's plain white door, she turned the knob and entered. _

_To say the least, Theresa's room greatly resembled the aftermath of the Great Titan War. Except, the Titan War didn't have lipstick and eyeliner everywhere, but there was a mysterious red stain on the walls that looked a lot like blood. Athena hoped to Zeus that it wasn't. _

_Sighing despite herself, she frowned. "Well, I'm not cleaning this up."_

_With that, she turned around and exited the room; the door closing soundly behind her. _

_---_

It was particularly quiet that morning.

Jay, being the first one up, was alone at the breakfast table eating a bowl of cereal. He was surprised to see Neil come down the stairs with a strange look on his face. He sat down next to his teammate with the same confused look on his face.

"What is it Neil?" Jay finally asked, after a full five minutes had gone by; in which Neil didn't even check his reflection once or whine loudly about the number of calories in his toast.

"It's Odie…" Neil murmured, furrowing his perfect golden eyebrows.

Jay was instantly alert and instinctively reached into his pocket where his xiphos lay hidden. Had something happened to Odie? Was he in any danger? This was all his fault! He was a horrible leader. The gods had made a big mistake when they appointed him leader of the team. They should have chosen someone else… Someone who could actually lead the team to victory, not some… _failure_ like him.

"I was on my way down when I saw him well, reading girl magazines," Neil continued, unaware of Jay's ongoing internal battle. "You don't think that he's … gay, do you?"

---

"And when you enter the restaurant?"

"I open the door for her," Odie answered automatically, sitting on the floor of Theresa's bedroom surrounded by more magazines.

"When you reach the table?" Theresa queried, sitting across from him.

"I pull her chair out for her."

"And then?"

"I compliment her on how gorgeous she looks."

Theresa sniffled. "I've taught you well."

Odie just grinned. "Surprisingly, those magazines came in pretty handy."

"I told you so!" Theresa beamed, giving Odie a high five. "I think you're ready."

The younger boy suddenly stiffened. "WHAT!? BUT I HAVEN'T READ ALL THE MAGAZINES YET! THIS IS TOO SOON, THERESA! I'M NOT READY!"

Theresa clamped a hand over his mouth which effectively ended his tirade. "Odie, you can do this. You got the flowers, the chocolate, and the knowledge that no man has ever had before."

Odie gulped. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes," she responded. "But one more thing…"

She dug around in the bag of 'essentials' she had brought before pulling out a can of mousse. "Just one quick little spray, your hair is starting to go wild again…"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Just as quickly as the screaming started, it abruptly stopped.

Then, the room was quiet. Too quiet.

---


End file.
